El Caballo: Who Hacked the Playstation Network? Was it...

Earlier last month we learned that Sony Playstation was compromised by...

Which means that you have not been able to get online to play a little...

Which in-turn means that your wife, girlfriend and/or chia have been getting allot of...

...Or if you're really the romantic type...

Sex on the Beach....I mean...

Sex On The Beach!

Now this ofcourse has kept your wifey, girlfriend and/or chia...

But it has us men...I mean gamers...very...

And we want answers, dammit!

So who's responsible for hacking the "sophisticated, high tech computer systems" at Sony Playstation?

Well...I hired my good friend...

To help us list some suspects.

1. Who is...

Playstation spokesman Kevin Butler (AKA Jerry Lambert) for $100.00, Alex!

Motivation: A lifetime sitcom and commerical actor who finally found a home as the spokesman for Playstation. Since Lambert is fresh into money he probably blew his first few checks on prostitutes, alcohol and drugs and now needed money to keep up with his newly found addictions.

2. Who is...

Actress Angelina Jolie for $500.00, Alex!

Motivation: She just so happened to star in a movie entitled 'Hackers'...Interesting! Now while she may not be screaming "broke", she does have allot of fucking adapted kids and, let's be honest, kids are expensive as shit!

3. Who is...

Ex-NBA player Shawn Kemp for $1,000.00, Alex!

Motivation: He too has allot of fucking kids!

4. Who is...

Neo from 'The Matrix' for $2,000.00, Alex!

Motivation: Neo sure had no problem taking either the red or blue pill from Morpheus. Signs of a true junkie who would do anything for money. Let's face it, he's always played a dude who looks high. See:

5. (It's the Daily Double)...Who is...

Actor Bobb'e J. Thompson for $5,000.00, Alex!

Motivation: Well, let's be honest he plays a bad ass a little too good and is the spokesman for the PSP. Bobb'e is my main suspect and I call on authorities to place his little delinquent ass in Spofford Juvenile Detention Center until we can gather up enough evidence to lock his ass up for a long ass time!

In closing I'd like to say that if my...